Where I am at now.
I feel like I have to write something because anytime I try to find others by googling “why I left New Age” it’s ALWAYS “why I left new age and now love Jesus”. (insert dead eyes emoji) WHYYYYYY.
For f*cks sake people, must you jump from one “cult” to another. Okay Okay I know cult is such a strong word. But really, let’s all take a moment and explore… where I am currently at as well.. what if… WHAT IF… there is nothing.
Can you imagine? What if there are no angels, guides or even souls.
To be honest it’s been hard for me, but something I need to explore, I need to feel this out.
And how some people go from New Age straight to Jesus completely blows my mind. It’s one fantasy to another. There is no proof of either of these things, just stories by humans.
It feels a little terrifying to believe in nothing, no after life, no answers when I die, no grandma looking down at me, no angels or ancient cult leader helping me out.
But you know what is even more scary? Living this potentially ONLY LIFE in one big mind f*ck lie.
I already feel like a fool for my whole adult life walking around telling friends and family (and coworkers) I had Reiki powers to heal them, that I could talk to dead people and that at night people would come to me from other dimensions. I have lived almost 20 years in a delusion probably scaring away some great potential mates and friends.
So yeah, it feels a little jarring to not feel like I KNOW what happens when I die. But I also feel a sense of …hmm for lack of better word.. grounded? Awake? Like there is clarity. Shit. All these new age words come to mind but in a totally different meaning. I once posted “how to wake up from being WOKE” and yea I am waking up out of a new age delusion and actually starting to just live life.
Growing up Roman Catholic led me to all these fearful thoughts popping in my head lately: “well maybe I should just believe in God, just in case..so my bases are covered” “So many people believe in God/ afterlife/ ETC it must be real” “is life meaningless if you don’t believe in something?”
And a recent book I read really helped with all these thoughts and more. “Why there is no God” by Armin Navabi.
To be honest, it WAS hard for me to buy this book. There is something engrained in me from either Roman Catholic or New Age stuff that was telling me ‘ as soon as you touch that book you are going to hell’. Crazy right?! Since there is no hell, and yet I still feel like I will be beaten for touching that book. Luckily, I was able to push through that archaic fear.
But I also love to play some “devils advocate” shit in my head. Like okay what if there is an after life …like heaven and hell ….BUT we completely mixed up the 2 and hell is where you want to be, huh.. what about that? Haha ok now I am just making up conspiracies on lies.
In all honesty, I hope we have souls, I hope we have consciousness after this life and move onto something else way cooler, but since that’s not scientifically proven, I can no longer base my life around it. I must live this human life and keep reading and exploring and learning and growing with what we know as facts as humans.
To sum it up, this is where I am at now. My blog and Instagram are going through this journey in real time, to maybe help others in the same headspace, leaving new age, questioning new age, or to hopefully stop people from entering into it. I might have a completely different viewpoint in a week, month or 10 years, and that’s whats so great about life. I get to change.